Gears of War (page 2 of 7)

The Great Blood Red Hope

The Great Blood Red Hope
PROTIP: The sniper rifle is almost unstoppable. Click the right-analog stick button to zoom in, camper.

PROTIP: The sniper rifle is almost unstoppable. Click the right-analog stick button to zoom in, camper.

The plot? Who knows. Judging by the game's threadbare cinemas, mankind has been invaded by a subterranean race of monsters known as The Locust Horde. GamePro assistant Tenacious Moses tells me that Gears of War actually has a rather fleshed out backstory involving Pendulum Wars and precious glowing goo and God knows what else. But you wouldn't guess any of that by playing the game, which contains virtually nothing in the way of a backstory or even a simple explanation. The first mission sets the tone for the rest of the game, tossing you a quickie training session and a few terse words before thrusting you directly into the fray.

But hold the phone -- what are The Locust, exactly? What is their goal? And why do the other soldiers call protagonist Fenix a traitor? Gears never gives any answers. In fact, it doesn't even ask most of those important questions until, oddly, the closing cinema. Instead, you're presented with throwaway plot points involving re-routed coordinates, auxiliary power sources, and a device known as the "resonator." C'mon, you've seen all this crap before: ultra-hard marines barking orders at each other, characters screaming "they're everywhere!" and plenty of stuff blowing up real good. Par for the Sci Fi Channel course, right? Right.

PROTIP: Gears of War can be damned difficult -- definitely start on the Casual mode on your first playthrough, especially if you're going solo.

PROTIP: Gears of War can be damned difficult -- definitely start on the Casual mode on your first playthrough, especially if you're going solo.

Which brings up another amusing point -- the game's underlying current of repressed adolescent sexuality. The warriors in Gears, decked out in their ultra-macho metal-fetish battlesuits, posture and pose almost as much as the muscle-bound divas from the WWE. It's actually good, campy fun, but players hoping for anything approaching meaningful character development will be left rolling their eyes in disgust.

PROTIP: The Lancer's chainsaw bayonet gives a splat-tastic melee attack -- just hold down the B button to let 'er rip. Getting shot will lower the chainsaw.

PROTIP: The Lancer's chainsaw bayonet gives a splat-tastic melee attack -- just hold down the B button to let 'er rip. Getting shot will lower the chainsaw.

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eyegotskillz

wahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The very triumphant song of joy that exploded from my lungs after just the first five minutes of playing this game. word

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